Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stoppin' curiosity

I wanna turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's song
I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem

I wanna turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's song
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Will it all keep spinning and spinning round and round and

Upside down
Who's to say whats impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away

Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Please don't go away
Is this how it's supposed to be
Is this how it's supposed to be

Ethan and Aaron love the Curious George movie, but most of all they love the Jack Johnson music video "Upside Down" (lyrics above) with Curious George in it. Every time I play it, they say more and do the sign for more. It makes my heart smile not only because I also love music and the song's lyrics, but because I adore my boys' innocent love and curiosity.

This song really resonates with me right now. How amazing that as God fills your heart, your whole world can sort of change and feel upside down in a truly good way. All of the above analogies seem vividly real...reflections fading, mind spreading its wings, dancing with Mother Nature, etc. But the lyric only surpassing not wanting the feeling to go away by a small margin and standing out the most would be, " I'll share this love I find with everyone."

Isn't that what God wants the most for us?!? As mentioned in the message at church yesterday, continuing the Safety is Not an Option series, "God wants us to be his light to the world." Wow, that can be so hard! As I think about living for Him and showing His love more, I do a better job. Lets be realistic though I fall short often. Yesterday, Marc and I got upset with each other and said a few things we didn't mean. I got so angry and I let that anger fill me and take over. Something Marc said really hurt. Had I stayed calm to begin with it would have never gotten to that point. Then after his comment I let the hurt come out as even more anger. I truly have to work on my anger and I know with God's help I will continue to respond in better, healthier ways over time. This can only happen if I embrace God and have a personal vision of God's heart. "God desperately cares about those that don't have a heart for him and wants us to be a light to them. (quoted from Fred Bays' message yesterday)."

So, I challenge myself and those reading this to ask ourselves what our personal vision is? A move of God...results...only come after a personal vision. "Allow people to see God in the flesh through you (another quote from Fred's message)." And, as Jack Johnson says share "this" love with everyone.

Today

Ethan: Night, night momma it is time for a nap

Aaron playing at his "new" table
(the table was his grandfathers, then Marc's, now the boys')

A making funny faces as usual

Sweet little E

So long mediocrity

We had a lovely, but busy weekend. I've been working on several home projects and the latter part of the week I dove in full force to try to get a few more done before the jewelry party I was having Friday evening. There was a nice turnout, the pretties were fabulous, and the company was terrific. Saturday was filled with the celebration of my sister in law, Megan. She is getting married in a couple months and her wedding shower and bachlorette party took place. With that Marc's mom, grandma, dad, and step mom were also here for a visit. This morning was filled with a church meeting and service. The boys enjoyed the opportunity to have some quality daddy time, as did Marc. He is such a sweet daddy. Saturday morning he had the boys outside playing, I look out the window and he is pushing the lawn mower and pulling the boys behind him in the radioflyer wagon. I opened the door to ask him what he was doing and he said something along the lines of I wanted to mow, but the boys won't want me to so I am pulling them in the wagon. Ethan and Aaron were laughing and asking for more...the ride to continue that is! I so wish I had thought to take a picture.

I'm loving life lately. Don't take me the wrong way life is not perfect, but the fog seems to have lifted. I eluded to this in a recent post, but I honestly believe that I dealt with depression for the better part of the last two years. Praise God for healing! With that clarity it has lead me to think a lot about people who deal with mental health issues. Being that this was not the first time I had dealt with depression and that it was the longest it had ever lasted for me., my heart breaks for those that struggle with chemical imbalances and mental health illnesses. Although small in comparison to those individual's battles, I find myself fearing the darkness ever seeping back in. With these thoughts, I also start to wonder how much was under my control and how much was physical health.. As a psychology major, I understand the biology of depression. Yet, as a Christian I question is there something I could have done sooner to embrace God, move past the depression, and back to a life of contentment. I hate that depression causes me to feel so separated from God, so isolated, and so lets be honest, selfish.

The messages at church, conversations with friends, marriage counseling, women's retreat preparation, missions planning, and inspirational blogs have all allowed God to speak to me recently. I have new energy...as a mother, as a wife, and as a servant of God. I want to shout to the roof tops declaring Gods love for each of us. I know some of you will read this and think heck with depression, this girl is now certifiably crazy. I say I am heck with the mediocrity. If God can be so good as to wash away not only my sadness, but all my sins then I need to live extravagantly for him! I need to remember as a dear friend said in his message at church today, "Living a safe Christian life is the most dangerous thing you can do. The safest thing you can do is to live a risky life for Christ." My thoughts need to be more focused on the hereafter as opposed to the distractions that I get caught up in every day and my words as well as my actions need to be teaching that to my children as well. In taking the example from another friend, Jennifer, I ask those of you who are reading this to help me be accountable. Feel free to ask me about how things are going.

The boys will be up and ready to read, play, and embrace another day before I know it. So I am going to wrap up for tonight. That and I am sure you have had enough of my ramblings for now, but I leave you with a line or two from a song that really moved me today.

"I know I'm filled to be emptied again. This seed I've been given I'll sow." - The Desert Song, Hillsong http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY

Halloween

Ethan wants to share

E

Aaron this is tasty

A & E love their lollipops

E, Daddy, and A

Promotion

As I sit here eating my leftover Chinese food, the boys just went down for a nap, and I am preparing to go clean...I think about the fortune cookie I got last night. It said, "You are next in line for a promotion at your firm." I had to chuckle. In the stay at home mother role, it is a pretty thankless job with no true promotions. In the business world, recognition and promotions were something I was continually striving for and thankfully achieving. My how life changes. Marc said you are "Head Mommy." I inquisitively responded, "What was I before?" to which he responded, "just Mommy." I am organizing an event for this weekend. When I spoke to the woman who would be bringing her beautiful pretties to my home to sell and told her what time to come, because I would need to get the boys squared away prior, she called us CEOs of our homes. Some women seem to be created to be mothers. Others of us, myself included, struggle to get it together a bit. We deal with bouts of depression, get angry when we shouldn't, loose patience, neglect to do the laundry, and so much more. Yet without fail we love our children. We wipe runny noses, hold our children's hands as they lead us, read them stories, and comfort them when they are upset. Not to mention we act as doctors, nurses, comedians, seamstresses, cooks, domestics, among the many other hats we wear. That is not to discount the role that the husband, father, daddy plays in the home. Both mother and father are exponentially important to raising a family and part of God's divine plan! I absolutely do not know how I would function without Marc. I am thankful for how much he adores our boys, how he gets down on his hands and knees and plays with them, how he picks up around the house every night before bed, how he sneaks to the bathroom and out the door quietly in the morning so as not to wake anyone, and for how he thanks me for decorating the house and because that makes him feel welcome and at home. And so, I embrace this promotionless job! And I cherish when my sons hand each other something and say here brother, or say thank you without prompting. I thank God for the opportunity to have such an important role in life and hope to be his definition of success!

God's Promises are New Every Morning!

Marc and I had a fun filled trip to Ikea this past weekend and the boys had a wonderful time with Mama and Papa as well as Granny and Poppy. Saturday morning we dropped the Ethan and Aaron off at my parents and headed to Ikea in Cincinnati. I had been once years ago over seas, but not as an adult and Marc had never been. We spent 6 1/2 hours at the store. I saved my birthday money for the trip and I am so glad I did. I highly recommend visiting. They have great stuff and awesome prices. We got pillow covers, storage supplies, a ceiling light, rugs, a duvet cover, three prints to frame, a shower curtain, etc all for $324. That also included dvd shelves Marc got and an area rug my mom got for us for Christmas. Amazing!

We had the pleasure of having a visit from Dick and Kay earlier this week too. The boys love having Grandma and Grandpa here. Kay was nice enough to put the wall art up in the boys' room that she had previously gotten. It looks great and really completes their room. Thank you Kay!

The boys' room, E's bed, and A's bed

I've been having fun around the house redoing some things, decorating, and so on. It is interesting how much a little change can change the feel of things. It is fun to think of creative ways to work with what you have and to stay within a tight budget!

The great room and the kitchen
(Marc made the great shelves. Thank you sweetie!)

On a more personal note, I've working to find more contentment in each day. Life is hard, but God is good. The last couple of years I have really felt like I have been just treading water. I haven't done a good job of keeping my mind in a good space and clinging to God's promises. Slowly, I feel like I am regaining my footing. I feel a change in my spirit the last few weeks. Although never easy, the boys are getting to a more manageable age. Exercise has become a more set routine for me. I am easing my way back into serving at church. Marc and I have been seeing a counselor for most of the year and although progress is slow, I see changes in our marriage and how we relate to each other. Within the last few months I have had some really challenging and hurtful things happen within some of my closet relationships. There have also been some relationships that have been an ongoing challenge to me. I know God is working and teaching me through these situations... remorse, forgiveness, reconciliation, acceptance, transition, contentment, grace, humility, and so much more. I pray that I will continue to have an open heart and allow God to work in and through me.


***Finding contentment is like seeing color for the first time. Although the sky is gray, the fall leaves pop and are complimented in just the right way!

Pictures

Finishing the walk

Taking care of the feet

Lyndsay's Party to help raise funds for the walk
Myself, Jayme Ballast, Jennifer Frye, Lyndsay Gettinger, Shelley Moss, and Melissa McCorkhill (girls from Waldron Class of 1998)

E & A getting ready for school

A trying on his Halloween costume

E doing the same

Mama putting A's mittens back on on the "hay" ride

Granny, Poppy, Marc, Aaron, and Ethan

View from our ride

E with a Mohawk/hat head after his pumpkin adventure

Two family pumpkins on each side, E then A's in the center